Little Ms G is playing on the floor with some stacking cups...so it looks like I have some time to continue my story from where I left off.
Well, I kept telling her "I love you. Mama loves you." But she really wanted no parts of me...she even fought and struggled to get down and away. But I continued to hold her...and eventually she just let me hold her. Then once the "Family photos" were taken (these would go on the actual certificates issued on Tuesday when the 24 hour harmonious period was over and the adoption finalized.) Once those were done we got into the bus and went back to the hotel to spend the evening bonding with our babies.
Well, first there was bawling from Ms Georgia in the elevator. Then she bawled when we got into the room. Mom and I tried some toys to distract her.... she really loved looking at and holding on to the photo book I had sent in the 2nd care package. She seemed to like bubbles too...and she would be quite calm..then every once in awhile nothing in particular seemed to set her off and she'd just screw up her face and bawl. Then in a few minutes she'd be fine.
So we thought, well maybe she's hungry. We ordered some room service and got her to eat a few bites with me very inexpertly feeding her with chopsticks. (The fork seemed to scare her.) But after awhile it was clear she didn't want to eat any more.
But still...it was gratifying to see some of her first smiles then...but then again, out of nowhere would come the bawling.
So we decided maybe she just needed or wanted to walk around. Now I have to say, during this time, I was feeding her... I hadn't gotten much (okay, nothing) to eat myself. And we went out walking...so I was running on an emotional high and stressed (all at the same time)...and I had a child who was clearly distressed...nothing I was doing seemed to help or make things better. To be honest, I guess I was starting to take it a little personally...and I knew I shouldn't.
My mom was definitely a godsend at that point. She said, "You need to take a step back. Why don't you go up to the room, change into your swimsuit and take a dip in the hotel's pool... I'll keep walking with Georgia." I almost didn't... I kept thinking I needed to work through this with this little girl...that the bonding had to happen today.
Which is silly. True bonding takes place over a long time... Knowing my mom was right, I went upstairs... grabbed a couple of bites to eat and a few swigs of regular coke (ah, calories, sugar, caffiene!) changed into my suit and came downstairs to the hotel's outdoor pool. The water was cold and heavenly. (and very clear despite the fact its an unchlorinated pool.) Mom and Georgia were walking all around the area surrounding the pool.
When I had enough of that I took over chasing my girl, allowing mom to go back up to the room to cool off and get a drink. The whole time I'm walking around with her I've got these wild doubts running through my mind...what if she never gets any happier? What if this is the totally wrong thing to do? There are so many people waiting to adopt from China, I know there are many that would kill to be in my place right now.
Intellectually, I knew it had only been hours.... but I was emotionally wrung out, and it seemed like almost everyone in our group was having a smooth (or smoother) 1st day/transition. It didn't help that there didn't seem to be any rhyme or reaosn to what set her to crying..
But eventually mom and I noticed that Georgia would tense up...then cry as she passed gas. Then it was clear that either because of..or in addition to the normal stress of the day, she was having diarhea and definite stomach discomfort.
Luckily I had packed a children's herbal "tummy soother" (with chamomile and ginger). I gave her some..then changed her diaper and stripped her out of the clothes she was handed to me in..and put her into a pair of pajamas. She hollored and cried a bit, but rested her head on my chest.... we pulled the room curtains shut and turned off the lights...and she fell asleep on my chest.
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10 comments:
Your mom is right. You needed to take a step back. You were running on your emotions and little else at that point ... you'd only been with Georgia for a few hours. You've been waiting for this day to come for YEARS (you said so yourself). So the feelings you feel are quite normal I think (this from someone on the outside looking in). You will bond with her ... over time! Things are new and strange for you and for her ... and you both need time to adjust, to get to know one another.
Think of it as an arranged marriage. Neither one of you really knows a thing about the other - emotional habits, likes, dislikes, etc. And it's going to take you time to get to know each other. Not even mothers who have their kids the old fashioned way know what they're doing to start. ;O)) But I'm sure you know this.
Hang in there!
Tracy,
You didnt make a mistake, You are doing a very wonderful thing. She is just adjusting to her new situation, and you to yours. Just let her know Uncle Dave can help her learn how to pass the gas with great ease!!! LOL! I hope I can get you to smile even though you are having a rough day. Ad think of how much she will cry when she see's her Giant Uncle coming to hold her. Dont put to much on your self right now, She is upset at this time but think of how many good times she will have to look forward to with you,Royce and Thomas, And the rest of her new Family. I know you cant help it but HURRY home, I want to see her.
Love your Bro
a.k.a(the favorite)LOL!
I saw this and thought you may like it. Your doing good Tracy!
Not flesh of my flesh
Nor bone of my bone,
But still miraculously
My own.
Never forget
For a single minute:
You didn't grow under my heart
But in it.
--Fleur Conkling Heyliger
Your bro
I think your mom was right also. In a few years, you will think of this day and smile while watching your daughter. I'm glad everything is working out ok. :)
Poor thing. She’s just had her entire life as she’s known it turned completely upside down. Thrown in with strangers, taken to a strange hotel, given strange things to play with. I don’t blame her for not understanding what’s going on. *cuddles little Georgia*
I’m glad your mom was there to give you a breather from the huge swirl of emotions! (And I don’t blame you for taking it all personally, even though it definitely wasn’t.)
Oh, the poor thing! To have all of this emotional stuff going on and then to have an upset belly on top of it! :-( But that was so sweet that she fell asleep on your chest like that. Hopefully this is the first step to her trusting you to take care of her.
When do we get to hear more? When do you bring her back to the states? (And boy is that ever going to be a shock to that little girl.)
What a blessing your mother has been for you!! We had all the same doubts those first few days. I can attest you are heading the right direction, hang in there.
Sarah had gas issues, too. She would just sob through bowel movements those first few days. I wasn't sure if it was a physical discomfort or an emotional discomfort (something she was trying to control in a world that she lost control of).
Bonding will come over the days to come. Just keep doing what your are doing.
HUGS!
Rhonda/Twinangel
You're doing a wonderfully courageous thing as a mother for little Georgia and she is blessed to have you as her mother. It's hard to start out in the toddler years but you know this little girl has been in your heart for a long time and that she is meant to be. You've traveled a long way to get to her (figuratively and of course literally) and that strength and determination and love that you have built during that journey will bring you home together. I think you're very wise to have picked up on the tummy problem and that makes perfect sense. Sure her world is changing, but to something more wonderful than she even knows. YOU know she is part of your family, and you are there to bring her home. Hugs and lots of strength to you and your mom both.
Tracy,Congratulations, yipee, yahoo, and any other happy sound you can think of, you have Gerogia!! Whats more is she shows emotion. She's upset because she left those she was attached to but she can form attachments! In time she'll form attachments to the new important people in her life, mom, dad, and her big brother. She's already getting to know mom and grandma. I am glad your mom was there to give you a break. I know I needed them when my kids were young. Enjoy her and enjoy the few breaks grandma can give you now...
Andrine
Bless her little heart. All these new things to deal with and her tummy upset as well. *comforts*
It was tough on me just reading that, I know it had to be tough on you. Poor little girl, I want to give her a hug. It's hard being thrown out of your comfort zone and into something that's completely new. And it's new for both of you, so it'll take time. But like everyone else has said, you have waited years for this. You deserve it and you more than deserve her. It'll get better. =)
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